Saturday, March 5, 2016

Outrageous Opinions--Ants Are Happier Then We Are.

Like so many incredulous Americans I've been watching with fascination (dread?) the antics of that billionaire chimpanzee running for president of these good old United States. And let me say right here and now that beyond the random insult--and these are just for my own amusement--I'm not going to try to tell anyone how to vote. My fancy is drawn to the man's ability to say anything he darn well pleases and his legions won't care; shit they'll line up in droves to monotone, "At least he speaks his mind." The more outrageous opinion the better.

Makes a guy just want to say, "What the Hell?"

But I've evolved beyond wanting to point out his misinformation, his outright lies, and his ludicrous posturing. Now, I just want to get a piece of that action for myself.

Okay, I'll say it. I'm envious.

I want a forum where I can spout unsubstantiated poppycock and with any luck get an army of  fans who will send me money - okay I'll settle for one person who doesn't tell me I'm full of crap.

For this to work, I'd like some help. I'll do my bit and supply a regular supply of off-the-wall opinions. Being an older fella and not very social media savvy, the help I need is to have these opinions passed on through Facebook, Twitter (#Outrageous Opinions), and all the other social media networks I don't even know about. Feel free to disagree. But also make use of this forum to spout your own Outrageous Opinions.

Just don't make me squirm too much.

I mean if you think our tax dollars should be used to shave and butter kittens, I can handle that. Ditto, if you think latex is a food group. I'm definitely interested in most opinions that include nuns or circus midgets.

But I draw the line at hurting folks or voicing hateful opinions about ethnic groups. Also, we are done with the Donald. Please, he has his own Outrageous forum. All that said, lets talk about ants.

 Let me restate my opinion: Ants Are Happier Than People.

Now just because this opinion may be outrageous doesn't mean I can't give reasons why I believe it true. So, to cast a spotlight on ants, let's first consider lab monkeys. In the fifties, an experiment was performed where Rhesus monkeys were taught to depress a bar and for their effort were given a small helping of cocaine. For those of you haven't done cocaine, the stuff releases all manner of feel-good chemicals into what I shall call the Pleasure Centers of the brain. The monkeys loved the stuff. So, much so that they whacked that bar day and night.

Here's comes my take on that experiment. Those monkeys were in ecstasy. These chemicals kept them in a permanent state of bliss, which in my opinion is the basis for all happiness, ergo, a specific set of chemicals released in the brain. Marital bliss - endorphins. Religious ecstasy - again pleasure chemicals shooting through one's gray matter. Even the bliss of enjoying a sunset in Fiji - just more chemical induced feel-good.

Now ants are all about chemicals. They follow chemical trails to food sources. They uses chemical stimuli to tell a friendly ant from an enemy. When they are in their hill homes they are bombarded with chemical messages that say, You Are So Smart, You Are One Of US, You Are Just Where You Need To Be, We Appreciate You. Their every waking hour is infused with feel good chemicals that make their tiny lives a joy on Earth. When we see them walking in unison they are actually in an insect conga line and are dancing their way through their day. I do believe if we could go down to their level we would find that they are raising their miniscule voices in praises to God for making their lives so wonderful. And here's the kicker. We look down on their toils and feel superior. Brothers and sisters, they look up at us and feel sorry for us.

"We're ants," they say, "and by all that's holy, we glad."

So, there you have it, my opinion.

Believe me. You ain't see nothing yet.


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